baby dreams

I had a dream last night that I was pregnant with twins and I could see the outline of their little bodies pressing through my stomach. Suddenly one of them was born and I was really worried that it wouldn't live b/c it was two months early but then when I looked at it I noticed it wasn't a baby...it was a grown up. It was one of my friends. Actually, it was more like the idea of "one of your fully grown friends" because it wasn't any specific person. I just knew that I knew this person and that it was an adult that could take care of itself. I was sad b/c I had wanted a tiny baby and it was like being given an old adult cat when you're expecting a kitten (I actually thought of that simile in the dream). So anyway, only one of the twins was born and the other was still in there pressing around on my guts. And I asked someone when the other one would be born b/c it didn't seem to be in much of a hurry. And they said that the other baby might wait another 2 months till it was time to be born. And I wondered if my babies could still be considered twins in that case. And then I became convinced that the baby inside of me was dead and that we'd never be able to get it out. It'd just stay in there and my body would very very slowly absorb it. And then I wanted it out...really really bad. And that was the end of the dream.

I blame all of you pregnant people I know.

recent things that have happened

got some boots, went to the adirondacks, ate lasagna, ordered a burmese cookbook for pete, suggested a book to a friend, wrote a shitty speech, continued stalking that internet girl in california, considered making a blog that's just about her blog, put pictures on flickr, cut back on drinking, quit smoking (on a regular basis), hung out with bryn and conway, bought a dress that looks like a candy striper uniform...these are the things life is made of.

I'm stalking you.

So there's this person--a complete stranger--that I internet stalk. Not like with a vengeance or anything. It's not all ready and grabby and eager like. Just casually. I casually read her blog and look at her pictures. Sometimes I cheer for her and sometimes I cringe. I try to create a timeline of her life through her photos and stories. I know about her past jobs but her current job remains a mystery. Something with the government. I'm guessing it's the state government. I know she's been dating the same guy for a long time and they often have problems. I don't know what the exact problems are. She used to blog about her friends but she seldomly does anymore. She often comes out--unintentionally I think--sounding like Ethan Hawke's character in Reality Bites. Embarrassingly dramatic. It makes me empathize with her more. I know I do that too. I know that she loves her mom but I know nothing about her dad. I know about her pet and her money problems but I don't know if she finished college or what her major was. She lives on the west coast. She's younger than me. She changes her hair style often and I think her new cut and color suits her better than the long, black hair did. Her friends look like my friends and I'm sure our boyfriends would get along. She seems perpetually displeased or unhappy but I think she's happiest when she's unhappy. She's very petite and pale and has a bad attitude. I often want to comment on her blog but I think that she'd make a snarky comment back at me about reading it. It'd be something mean but predictable. Something about how I should get a life and stop reading about hers. And it would imply, in a very insincere way, that she didn't want a stranger following her life. But that's crap because all bloggers want people to follow their life. And I am. I am following the minutae of her existence and it's not creepy. It's entertainment.

Things I Want...

In no particular order.

1. More money in my savings account. At least another $5,000.
2. A Roth IRA. (Oooh, and the ability to max it out every year.)
3. The Loretta Lynn box set. ($20-$30)
4. A new, fancy, fake Christmas tree from http://www.balsamhill.com/. (Can't get one yet but hopefully I'll get one closer to Christmas. Between $250+. But I'm only willing to spend $200-$350.)
5. A pair of Frye boots. Actually...so long as I'm dreaming. Several pairs of Frye boots. They're betwen $300 and $550 a pair.
6. The Twilight Zone box set. ($200)
7. Finished lower left arm sleeve. (This happens in about a month. $400 and that includes tip and gas money to Pittsburgh.)
8. Knuckle tats. (Probably $150ish.)

There's more but these are the things I think about most. For the most part, 1 & 2 depend on me not having 3-8. Or, to be more accurate, to have at least some of 3-8, 1 & 2 will have to be put on hold for a few months. Actually, I'm probably not going to set up the Roth until I hit my GS 12 in January. Woo hoo! GS 12!!!

Can I really start again?

How will I attract a new audience of blog readers? All my old blog readers stopped checking in to see if I had posted months ago. I'm sorry. I got bored with it. And life became happier. There's nothing to blog about when you're happy. Seriously.

If you read this, tell me how to reattract you as my reader. Or how to attract you anew.

Heath Ledger...Totally Dead

I nearly choked on my English muffin when I read that. Seriously? Like, Heath Ledger? Dead? Sleeping pills? Really? I'm actually stunned.

Baby's First Steps

So the new camera is awesome and playing with it is sort of like doing homework except fun. Thanks to Pete, I now have a general understanding of my aperature and shutter speed and how they relate to one another and how they can be manipulated for more interesting images. I also played with the metering to get an idea of how the camera was measuring light in different metering modes and--to my surprise--I could actually see the difference in each setting. Pretty basic stuff but it feels good to be slowly learning about my new toy. The real trick is going to be figuring out how to put all this information together once I've learned it and manipulating all that ish to make cool photos. Blah.

But I'm already pretty sure I want to pick up a Raynox 250 conversion lens to do way cooler macros. The flickr group devoted to the Lumix FZ50 has a bunch of pictures up of people that have used it and the results are really super stunning. Very oooh and ahhh.

I also want to figure out how to play with my in camera picture adjustment tools. But one thing at a time I suppose.

So here's some of the pictures I've taken while just fooling around with the camera. They're not awesome or anything but they're what I have so far.

Tree bark.

Terminator.

Terminator down.

TEETH!

Creepo painting lady.

Look at that face. He's begging for food. Again.

Post-food concerned face.