Part of the problem

I woke up for work an hour later than usual. No big deal but I think it's because my apartment was too warm. Ever since they put in a new thermostat I've been unable to control the heat. I set it at 72 degrees and the fan is set on auto but when I got up it was 80 degrees in my apartment. What the hell? Milo and Jimmy would normally wake me up but the heat had clearly affected them as they were out like two angelic bewhiskered lights.

I went through my normal routine. No rushing around. Things like this have a way of working themselves out and throwing yourself around in a wild frenzy tends to only delay you further. I even took the back roads to work, daring the tempermental hands of time to fuck with me. To borrow a word, I am unfuckwithable.

As I took the ramp from 193 onto Route 1, I was forced to yield to the oncoming traffic. There's no merge area there and there were quite a few cars coming. As I waited for my lane to clear, a big 'ol GMC Yukon came up behind me, slammed on his brakes, and honked loudly. At first, I didn't realize he was honking at me. Why would he be? I was yielding just as the big red and white sign indicated I should. When he honked again I looked in my rearview and saw him gesticulating like he was having a confrontation and that's when I knew that I was the person he was confrontationing with. I rolled down my window, stuck my head out to look at him, and gestured towards the oncoming cars. He gestured back at the oncoming cars and honked again. I looked to make sure that I was right, that there wasn't a merge area and that if I went now I'd get hit. And I was right. I gestured again. He honked again.

Each time something like that happens, I want to talk to the person and explain to them that this is not a problem. A problem is getting abducted by aliens or finding inexplicable lesions on your genitals. Being stuck behind someone that's yielding does not compare with the life altering nature of some situations. But instead of getting out of my car and telling that man to calm down, I flipped him off and laughed as I drove away. I am what's wrong with humanity.


Also, Hulk Hogan is gonna be hosting a remake of American Gladiators on NBC. It almost makes me wish I had cable.